When Mentorship Hits a Bump: Transforming Challenges into Learning Opportunities
Mentorship is a relationship between a mentor who provides guidance and a mentee who needs to learn and grow. A mentor can guidance through several stages of your life, whether for career purposes or personal life. On the other hand, a mentee has skills, knowledge, or goals that they want to achieve and communicates them to the mentor for guidance. The mentor provides expertise, wisdom, and guidance and could be a friend you can approach for any advice. The mentee eagerly absorbs this knowledge while striving for professional and personal growth.
It is very human to have a conflict between a mentor and a mentee, as with any other relationship. Conflict is often seen as a challenge for growth or a stumbling block that could stop or break the relationship between a mentor and a mentee. Yet, it can also be a way to grow your relationship if the conflict is approached with intention. In this article, let's closely examine how conflict could be great in mentorship if approached correctly.
Transforming Conflict into Opportunities
There are several reasons why conflicts might arise, even with your most trusted mentor or mentee. There could be so many reasons why you might not agree to something, view things the same way, or even distrust the person at some point.
For instance, has it ever happened to you that you thought that the way the mentor was trying to direct you was not where you wanted to go, even though you agreed to their guidance? Or did you feel that the person you were trying to guide acted as if they didn't need much of your guidance or did not trust your capacity as a mentor? Did you have differences in your values? Was there something you wanted to attain or achieve that they saw differently than you? It could also be in terms of different interests. Do you think they want to satisfy their own needs instead of yours? Conflict can arise in a case where viewpoints do not align. It's very easy and humane that when disputes arise, the best response is to defend yourselves or cut communication. But what if, through those differences, you could learn and grow from them?
As discussed, conflicts arise when different viewpoints on different subjects collide. But what if you approached it in a learning and understanding way? What if you exchanged thoughts, emotions, and feelings, understanding where the other person is coming from, their perspective on the conflict, and the issue you're trying to face? There is a way to grow your relationship and achieve a turning point that will take your relationship even to greater heights. A good conversation has always been a good solution to a misunderstanding. When trying to identify the differences, you can talk about your viewpoint and feelings and then exchange ideas; the conflict could turn into a solution. Your relationship could grow.
Consider a scenario where a mentor and a mentee have differing opinions on how a certain project should be executed. From the mentor's experience, they think they need to have a structured approach for the project to be successful, while the mentee feels like being flexible is a good way to bring innovation to the project. This could lead to a conflict. If these different viewpoints collide, there is a need for a middle ground to solve the issue and move forward. To solve this, a structure could be implemented as the mentor suggested while also allowing some flexibility for the mentee's innovation.
Could a discussion enlighten the mentee as to why the mentor wants a structure while also allowing the mentee to explain to the mentor why they feel like a flexible approach could be the solution? They could see how both approaches could be matched to find one solution. Or compromise and go with one approach if they understand why the other is right. They could even try to see which one works. Next time, they will have proven one concept does not work, so on to the next.
By changing your view on conflict, there is a chance for the misunderstanding or the conflict to be a lesson, something to learn from, something to grow from. It could be a transforming learning experience. Instead of attempting to solve the conflict by convincing the other, it could be a discussion, and then respectively, productively and proactively solving the challenge by viewing it as a way to learn and grow, not as a problem that has to be dealt with. It can change the way you even view your relationship. In this case, the mentor can guide while learning, while the mentee can shift their point of view from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset, seeing the difference and growing. The key to solving conflict is open communication, learning from the other person's point of view, being empathetic, and then having a sense of shared accomplishment, something you will be doing together as a mentor, as a mentee, instead of one trying to instill dominance as a mentor, or a mentee wanting to rebel.
Reflecting on Personal Triggers and Patterns
In a mentoring relationship, we've seen elements that can cause conflicts, like different values, opposing viewpoints, and more. However, conflict could sometimes arise from personal triggers and patterns and sometimes turn a normal conversation into a heated interaction.
Moments like this could be seen as a failure in a mentor-mentee relationship. Yet, it could be a great moment that creates an opportunity for profound self-awareness, feedback sharing, and growth. One could bring to the attention of the other that the reaction is disproportionate. You could evaluate why a certain response happened. You could ask questions like, what experience might be influencing my reactions? What behavior patterns do I tend to fall into when conflict or tension arises? As a mentor and mentee, evaluating those questions and finding answers could be a way to develop from seeing personal triggers and insecurities as a problem to growing as a person or an individual.
There are some practical ways to navigate conflicts arising from personal triggers and patterns, and the most important is active listening. It could be that the person who had a disproportionate reaction does not even know their reaction was not right, or it could also be how you formulated your thoughts. It would help if you placed yourself in the other person's shoes to gain empathy, understand the person and their viewpoint, and then have an open dialogue. It would help if you had honest communication to address the conflicts. It's from active listening that you get to see that the problem could be the other person's or maybe yours, but it's in communication that you get to address it. You get to negotiate, compromise, or even find a mutual benefit and even gain trust.
During self-awareness, a mentor and a mentee understand that it's not about winning an argument or proving a point but learning from each other. They realize that conflict is, as the saying goes, a sculptor chiseling away at stone to reveal a work of art; conflict is the rough stone. They need to dissect misunderstanding by misunderstanding to attain a strong connection and relationship. They reflect on disagreements to learn how to handle them and approach them in a calmer and more focused way. This also gives a mentor an understanding that they are more than just mentors or coaches; they can bring more to the mentee. They get to provide advice and share their experience with disagreements and how they handle them. They could also share their understanding and viewpoints, their triggers, and how they're trying to deal with them. Try to be open and honest and show that they're still learning, too. This helps everyone involved understand the argument better, for the mentee to learn to control their emotions and focus on learning instead of getting upset, and for the mentor to understand that they also need to keep learning.
Cultivating a Culture of Open Communication
Has it ever happened to you that after discussing with someone, you realize that the way you had understood or viewed a certain thing was wrong? Perhaps it had to do with the way you expressed yourself. Or you realized that, from their viewpoint, this is how things were perceived.
Open communication is a great way and the best way to resolve conflict in mentoring, but generally in any other situation or relationship. Sometimes, disagreement arises. The key is to talk things out openly and honestly. Ask questions, try to understand the other person, maybe the challenge they're having, and try to understand yourself. Why is your reaction like that? This means that communication also has to do with understanding and empathy. The mentor isn't just someone who knows it all, but he's also someone who listens and learns. While the mentees aren't afraid to speak and express their opinions, they can also share something the mentor could learn from.
The key here is to be open and honest with each other. The mentor and the mentee need to be willing to listen, talk, be honest, and share. By working together to solve their differences through communication, the mentoring relationship becomes more than just advice-giving and guidance; they can become places where everyone learns and grows both emotionally and professionally. The relationship could also grow into something bigger; if it was based on a professional environment, it could also expand into the personal life and build a relationship beyond mentoring. In the end, growth happens.
Conclusion: Rising Stronger Through Conflict
Conflicts in mentoring can be good. They can help you grow as a mentor and mentee and strengthen a mentoring relationship. There is a saying that smooth seas do not make skillful sailors. You get to navigate the role of mentor and mentee better through conflicts, disagreements, and sometimes misunderstandings. They refine your relationship, communication skills, and understanding and respect within a relationship if approached correctly.
Viewing conflict this way will also change how you approach it. It will be something that you easily navigate, one of the things that you expect but not fear in the mentoring relationship, and that's where the potential to grow personally and professionally as a mentor and a mentee lies. Every challenge encountered or every heated exchange will be viewed as an opportunity to grow bigger, become stronger, and more resilient as individuals. You will be ready to embrace misunderstanding, disagreement, opposing views, differing perspectives, etc. You will be prepared to handle any problems and differences with excitement and determination, and looking forward to the learning and growth that come along!